Dang it! I thought I was all whole 'n' stuff! Recently I spoke with a sister that listened to me. I mean she waited for me to speak, took time to pause and then would respond. She prayed for me. She spoke from God's WHOLE HEART to my broken one.
Oddly my heart is broken but I have no emotional response to it. I have a very spiritual and logical response to this brokenness. The kind of response that drew me closer to God, waited for Him to point me in the direction necessary and then I got on my buggy and was out! He sent me to connect with 2 people. My husband 1st and then a sister I don't know very well emotionally in a girlfriend type of way but I know the Spirit of God in her all too well!
This sister is wise and knows so much about wellness! After I shared, she listened, she responded, I shared some more, we shared, she said (paraphrasing) "I'm willing to go on this journey with you!" It was then, I realized that NO ONE can do this for me! NOBODY can unBREAK my heart! NOBODY can scoop out all the junk in there and make me new again except for JESUS!
My first assignment she gave to me, was to write down all the stuff in my heart that is not right! Write down all the junk that is in my heart that tears me away from God. Write down all the yuck yuck in my heart that I cradle and nurture like it's a sweet newborn baby! Although I am not sure what the next part of this assignment will be I can presume that I will be placing this stuff on The Altar-At His Feet and as far away from me as possible!
My goal for the last 4 years has consistently been to have a smaller body (i.e. to lose weight)! And I have been successful in that I lost up to 75lbs since 2012 but I gained back about 30lbs in the last 2 years. Today I sit uncomfortably in my body but my goal has changed drastically. I'm not sure if God's blueprint for my body is too be 125-150lbs. But what I am sure of is that what I manifest outwardly or physically is an indication of what is going on internally (spiritually & emotionally).
Today I declare that my goal is to be WHOLE & FREE! Whatever fruit are harvested as a result of being WHOLE & FREE i'm so down with! All the perks that come with being WHOLE & FREE I am living for! All the beauty and grace that comes with being WHOLE & FREE I am excited about!
So I am grateful for this brokenness! It is a true self-awareness that I can smile and praise God about!
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